Things Don't Always Go As Planned
by Anime-Kat2002
Summary: When England's magic goes haywire & brings the Allies & the Axis to our world its up to Kitt & her friends to help England & the others get home before time runs out. However, with these sarcastic, loud mouth group of girls being their only way home the countries may have more things to worry about besides getting home. SUMMARY FAIL! RATED M for the chapters that will come later
1. Authoress Note

FIRST OFF! A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS!

Hello readers!

It's been a very long time since I have posted ANYTHING on so before the story begins I thought I would give you all some details about the story you are about to read.

This story is based off a dream I had not long ago. I literally mean that everything within the first chapter or two really happened in my dream. After discussing it with my friends we decided that it would make for a kick ass, hilarious, "Hetalia" fanfic. To make the story even better we decided that we would include events that happened to us in real life, the only thing being changed is that the characters are there with us (and the chronological order that they happened but if we went by the actual time line we'd be here for a very long time...like years). Names of people and places have been changed to protect their real identities but some things will retain their original name.

This story isn't meant to offend anyone and by no means is anyone involved in this story racist or anything. Also this isn't to be taken too literally (much like the show). A lot of the jokes and witty, sarcastic remarks are inside jokes and are actually how we act. Some OCs will be paired with characters and the characters themselves might be a little OOC but it has been years since I have written any fanfiction so please be kind. I will also try to use some of the country's official language when I can. Also, this story takes place in a world where the anime, "Hetalia", doesn't exist thus our main characters would have no idea who the countries were.

This story is rated M mainly for the language and the jokes...maybe a few scenes as well. However, nothing really 'hardcore' happens. If I do write that part I will put a link up for my deviantart account where the story will be posted with all the 'hardcore' stuff. Until then, you'll know when it is...well...implied that certain things are going on hahaha. This story is also told from my point of view. There may be a chapter or two where it is told from the perspective of someone else and you'll be told when that happens.

If you have questions about a person, place, event (or one of our weird quirks that is mentioned) feel free to ask! We'd be happy to explain it to you. Thank you for your time and please continue on to the prologue!

~Anime-Kat2002

(and just so I don't have to put it in EVERY chapter I DO NOT own "Hetalia", I own myself, my friends own themselves. This goes for every chapter unless otherwise noted!)


	2. Prologue

(See the Authoress Note chapter for the disclaimer, you may wanna read it if you haven't cause it might explain some things for you. Other than that lets be own our merry way down the road that leads us to the beginning of our tale...)

**Prologue **

Arthur Kirkland, better known as England, had finally had enough. He opened the door to his home and entered. He placed his coat on the hook near the door and ran his hand thru his shaggy, blonde locks. "Blast it all." He cursed as he walked into his kitchen to prepare himself some of his favorite tea to calm his nerves. The world meeting had ended in a disaster...again...nothing was accomplished (which was nothing new really) and there was nothing but constant arguing over the most stupidest of things. It also didn't help that when his magical friends came to cheer him up the bloody frog and american git made fun of him for, as they said, talking to himself. It wasn't his fault they weren't able to see his magical friends. Sighing, he poured himself some earl grey and took a seat at his kitchen table.

"I wonder why I'm the only one who can see them." Arthur mused to himself as he sipped his tea. He sat in silence as he drank his tea, lost in thought. "That would shut them up if they could. They would see that they are indeed not imaginary." His emerald eyes widened in surprise. "Of course! We didn't I think of that sooner!" Leaving his tea on the table he went into his basement where he kept his magical spell books and materials. "I bet I can conjure up a spell that would let them all see that they are not imaginary, that they are in fact real, and I'll be able to tell them to sod off, that I'm not seeing things." He laughed to himself as he started going through his books and getting the necessary materials.

Tomorrow's world meeting was going to be interesting indeed...

*~*~Now, on to our side of reality shall we?~*~*

I glanced between my friend, Ryoko, and my facebook page as I ran my fingers through my long, dark brown, curly hair listening as she went over the aspects of Litha. "Kitt, are you even listening to me?" she asked me. "Huh? Oh! It the summer solstice thingy right?" She sighed and shook her head. "Yes, it is. It's one of the times during the year when the veil between worlds is the thinnest. I was asking if you would like to help me with trying to get into contact with my brother tomorrow during litha.". Ryoko has been my friend for years, since high school actually. She's a witch and practices all that pagan stuff. Me, I was raised christian but I don't go to church anymore so I guess you could say I'm somewhat up in the air about stuff like this (I also don't really care what others practice. Guess you could call me open minded). However, she always takes time to explain it to me and it is interesting, despite not always being able to keep up or understand all of it. Her older brother died not long ago and she came over earlier to explain litha, the pagan celebration of the coming summer, and see if I would like to help her contact her brother.

"Litha is tomorrow isn't it?" I asked her. She nodded, brushing some of her long, blonde hair behind her ear as she did so. I look at the dry erase board hanging near the door to my room to look at my work schedule. "Yea I'm off...actually I'm off for a couple of days. Forgot I asked for a break so yea I can help." She smiled at me. "That's awesome! Thanks so much for helping me with this." I smiled back at her. "No problem, that's what friends are for right?" She stood up and grabbed a small bag off my computer desk. "I guess I better get going. I've already got everything we need in this bag here and-"

"Wait, what was in the bag again?"

She paused for a moment and smacked me in the back of the head. "Good Lord how many times do I have to tell you? It has-" She started to explain when her phone rang. "JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!" she screamed. She answered her phone and I went back to messing with my facebook page. Funny how addicting playing some of the games can be. "Well that's just great." Ryoko said with a huff. "I've gotta get going now cause Pop-Pop said the horses were in the yard...again. You know, breaking all my fences again. Mind if I use your bathroom before I go?" I looked up from my computer screen. "No go ahead."

A few minutes later she was out the door on the way to her house and I went back to messing around on my computer for a few hours. After playing "Diablo 3" for a bit I got up and stretched and looked at the clock. "Holy crap its nine already? I need to walk the dog." I said out loud and to no one in particular. I've always talked out loud to myself. I left my room and went upstairs. "DOG!" (AN: My dog's name is TD which literally means 'the dog' so yes, my dog's name is dog) When I got to the top of the stairs I went into the living room where my dog was laying on the couch. "Get up TD time to go outside." TD is my light brown pit-bull that my parents left with me when they retired and moved to Alabama to take care of my grandmother. Which also means they left me the house too, not that I minded. It was nice living on my own. TD finally wiggled off the couch and we went back down to the landing (the house being a split level: the upstairs being above ground and the downstairs, where my room is, being underground) I opened the front door and he went out and did his business and came back in. I went back upstairs and gave him his treat and went back downstairs to take a shower.

I opened the bathroom door and took a shower. When I got out and put my nightclothes on, which was a black t-shirt with Jay and Silent Bob on it and red shorts, I noticed a violet bag with an embroidered silver archway that had a black raven stitched in the middle sitting on the counter. "Huh." I said as I picked it up and looked at it. "Ohhh wait this Ryoko's magic bag thingy...I think she said it was a...gris-gris?" I asked myself out loud. I shrugged and sat it back down on the counter and preceded to brush my hair and teeth. She was coming over tomorrow to get it anyways so I would just leave it where she left it. I turned out the lights and went into my room to go to bed.

Its not like it was going to cause a calamity sitting on my bathroom counter...right?

**AN:** Yay! End of the prologue. Sorry about the "Hetalia" side being so short. There's just not much to explain for that side. It's Iggy and his magic and we all know how well that turns out hahaha! Sorry for it being short too. But hey it's the intro so it's meant to be a little short.

And yes people, my friend is a witch/pagan in real life. Told you this would have real life elements to it.

**Litha:** June 21st, the summer solstice. The longest day of the year.

**Gris-Gris: **A voodoo term for amagic bag or a talisman. The color of the bag represents communication with other worlds. The archway signifies doorways between the worlds and the raven represents communicated with the other world(s) as a messenger or a guide.


	3. What AssHattery Is This?

*See first chapter for the disclaimer, the country human names will be used most of the time but every once in a while they will be referred to by the country. Now the story begins!*

CHAPTER ONE: What ass-hattery is this?

-On the "Hetalia" side of things-

It was the morning of June 21st, the second day of the world meeting that was being held in London, England. Arthur chuckled to himself as he started setting up everything he needed in the meeting room. Everything he needed to finally prove to the other countries that he was not seeing imaginary creatures. Normally he wouldn't let this get to him but he had finally had enough of the jokes. Now, they would all have to apologize to him, and his fairy friends, for all the harsh treatment on the subject over the years. "Oh yes." He chuckled, "those buggers are going to regret everything they've said." He sat out the needed stones: lapis lazuli, bismuth, and a spirit quartz to help amplify the other stones. He also sat out some thyme, dandelion leaves, jasmine, blue lotus, peppermint, and thistle. As he finished setting up the other countries starting filing into the room.

"Arthur, dude, what are you doing?" Alfred, also known as America, asked as he came up behind the Brit. "Are you trying to mess that mojo stuff again?" Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed, trying to ignore the loud American. "Cause you know that stuff isn't real right?"

The other countries started to take their seats as Arthur turned to face Alfred. "That is exactly why I have this set up, Alfred. To prove to all of you once and for all that magic is, indeed, real and so are my fairy friends." Francis, also known as France, walked over to the two. "Honhonhon is Angleterre trying to convince us of his magic again?" At this the other countries, being mainly the ones associated with the allies and axis, gathered around them because who would want to miss the throw down that was about to happen.

"For your information, frog, I am going to convince you all that it is real." Arthur growled. "By using these elements I can temporarily allow all of you to see through the veil between the worlds and see them."

"Oh mon ami, are you that desperate to try to make your little Tinker Bell real? I knew you were having a hard time attracting the ladies bu-" Francis started to say before Arthur cut him off by choking him. "God damn it, Francis you frog face, you know bloody well that's not what I was getting at!"

China, also known as Lao, sighed, "Well, looks like this meeting is going to start just like all the others, aru. With Arthur and Francis fighting." Seeing something flicker, Alfred looked at the items on the table and picked up a few pieces, "Huh, I thought I saw something." He mumble to himself as he started picking up them items and looking at them before he set them back down. Ivan, better known as Russia, gave a smile, "Always lively those two are, da?" Veneziano (N. Italy) waved his white flag, while Japan (or Kiku), turned to Ludwig (aka Germany). "Should we try to intervene?"

Ludwig gritted his teeth together as the other countries either continued to fight or started placing bets on the victor of Arthur's and Francis' fight. "ZHAT IS ENOUGH!" He yelled. This caused all the others to stop what they were doing and give their attention to Ludwig. "I have no idea what you are doing, Arthur, but we have more important things to worry about than your magical friends."

"Yea, dude," Alfred started to say as the two older European nations let go of each other, "like why your rocks are glowing." He finished. The other countries gathered around the table.

"What? It shouldn't be doing that!" Arthur exclaimed. "Angleterre this is your doing so you make it stop doing that!' Francis exclaimed. Arthur looked more closely at the rocks. "Wait a tic...Alfred did you move these?"

"Uh I picked them up why?"

Arthur swore. "Because you git you placed them in the incorrect order. You've messed with the balance of it all and caused a reaction! How many times have I told you not to mess with these things!"

Russia chuckled "But Arthur," he said with his child like voice, "You are the one who started messing with it in the first place, da?" Arthur growled in frustration, no one noticing the items on the table glowing brighter by the second. "That's not the point, Ivan!" Arthur exclaimed as he picked up his spell book (also known as a book of shadows). "I actually know what I'm doing!"

Veneziano, noticing the flickering of the lights let out a scream, which cause the other countries to finally take notice of the items on the table. "Crap!" Alfred yelled.

"RUN AWAY!" Veneziano screamed before there was a blinding flash of light. When the light vanished, the items on the table were nothing more the smoldering remains and the countries that were once there, were gone.

-Now our little hovel of reality-

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

I groaned as I lunged across my queen sized bed to smack my cell phone to get it to stop ringing. I glanced at my clock that was also on the dresser next to my bed. It said that it was 8:32 in the morning. "Damn it phone! I'm off today I wanna sleep shut up!" I said I rolled back over to go back to sleep. I laid there for a few more seconds before I shot up. "Damn it now I have to piss." I grumbled as I threw my covers off and crawled out bed. If I hurried I could crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. I walked over to my bedroom door, rubbing sleep from my eyes and opened my door. When my door opened there was a bright flash of light...and then in my hallway, in front of my bathroom door, there were a bunch of guys.

"What the hell, man?"

"What zhe hell just happened!"

"GERMANY HELP ME!"

"GET OFF ME, FAT ASS -ARU!"

"Hohonhon!"

"FRANCIS, MOVE YOUR HAND AT ONCE!"

"Where are we?"

"Whose this, da?"

They all stopped yelling and screaming at each other as I stepped over them and went into the bathroom, kicked someone's foot out of the way of the door, and yelled "MOVE IT" and slammed the bathroom door shut.

As I was in the bathroom I could hear them arguing with each other. I was washing my hands when I noticed a giant scorch mark on my counter. "Uhh where's the bag?" I looked around the bathroom to see small pieces of smoldering...whatever it was Ryoko had in the bag, imbedded in the walls...and the ceiling. How I didn't notice all the smoke when I entered was beyond me. "Well, Ryoko's gonna be pissed." I mumbled then I heard more yelling from outside my bathroom door. Then it dawned on me...there were eight guys that just shot out of a burst of light that originated in my bathroom. I realized two things: One being I needed to confront these guys and two, I may want to avoid going in my bathroom if people are just randomly popping out of it. I quickly brushed my hair (hey, go to look somewhat presentable especially since they've now seen my in all my I-just-woke-up-and-I-look-like-crap glory) and once I was satisfied with it I opened the bathroom door to see them all still standing outside of it...staring at me.

Well...this is awkward.

I took a quick glance between all of them and before I could say anything the tall one, with glasses and a cow-lick in his hair, pointed at a slightly shorter man with shaggy blonde hair and huge eyebrows.

"As the hero I thought I should let you know that we had nothing to do with this and it was all Iggy's fault."

The 'Iggy' in question face turned red as he smacked the other's hand away. "My fault! You were the one who messed with my rocks in the first place you prat!"

"Well you better fix it, Opium!" said one of the Asian looking guys, that had a pony tail and...was that panda in that basket on his back...anyways getting off topic.

I mutely watched the exchange as the one with glasses was laughing (obnoxiously I might add) and the one he was pointing at was using some very colorful language, the other Asian man that had short hair was trying to diffuse the argument, another one was waving a white flag for some reason, a man with blonde hair was gritting his teeth and looked like he was about to go on a killing spree, then there was some tall dude with a creepy smile and a lead pipe. Wait a sec...why does he have a pipe?

Before I could get a word in a man with long blonde hair placed his hand on my shoulder. "Bonjour, mademoiselle!" He said as he leaned in closer, whispering in my ear, " Mes excuses pour mes amis qui causent un tel chahut que je pourrais vous demander votre nom?"

I took french in high school and I only caught of some of what he said to me but with everyone yelling at each other I had no idea what else to do. I mean, for Christ's sake I just woke up five minutes ago and in those five minutes that bag Ryoko left here exploded in my bathroom, there was a bright flash of light, and now I had eight guys...who had strange accents...and weren't that bad looking, but until I know more of what's going on I should probably keep my mind out of the gutter, in my hallway. So I did the only logical thing I could think of. I smacked the guy's hand off my shoulder and yelled at the top of my lungs, pointed to all of them with one hand and all around them with the other, "WHAT ASS-HATTERY IS THIS!"

**AN:** Yay! End of chapter one! And for those who want to know what France said it is "My apologies for my friends causing such a ruckus might I ask your name?" Hahaha for once not being pervy and being a gentlemen.


	4. This Isn't Akward Turtle

*See first chapter for the disclaimer, the country human names will be used most of the time but every once in a while they will be referred to by the country.*

**CHAPTER 2: This isn't awkward turtle...this is awkward f*in universe...**

"Jesus H. Christ Mary Joseph and the Apostles what the hell is going on here!?" I screamed. "Wha..wha...just.." I started waving my arms around "AWKWARD FUCKING UNIVERSE!"

They all just stared at me as I panted, out of breath from freaking out. "Perhaps we should introduce ourselves." the Asian man with short black hair said as he stepped forward.

"Yea," I huffed "Names would be nice so I have something to write on your graves when I kick your ass for invading my house!" At this the one with the flag started screaming and ducked behind the tall, blonde guy. "STOP SCREAMING!' I yelled at him, it was too early in morning for this crap. He stopped but stayed behind the blonde guy, waving his little white flag.

The Asian guy from a second ago cleared his throat and bowed a bit to me. "Konnichi wa, my name is Honda Kiku." I bowed back a bit. "I'm Kitt Smi-what a sec you're Japanese?" I asked. He nodded.

"OH MY GOD THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME I LIKE TOTALLY LOVE ANIME!" I squealed as I hugged him...and then he started freaking out. Something about personal space. I let go of him and sheepishly rubbed the back of my head. "Sorry about that. I'm big into the Japanese culture and I tend to overreact when I'm excited. Anyways...I'm Kitt and the rest of you are..." The blonde French guy put his hand on my shoulder again. "Mon nom est Francis Bonnefoy."

I grabbed his hand and moved it off my shoulder while the one referred to as 'Iggy' started to yell at him. "Do you have to put your hands on every girl you see, Francis?" Francis chuckled and I decided to take a step to the side. If he was grabby I was gonna put some distance between us, last thing I needed this morning was the chance to get sexually assaulted. 'Iggy' looked at me and offered his hand. "I'm Arthur Kirkland." I took his hand and shook it and when he let go the one with the glasses grabbed my hand and started shaking it like a maniac. "I'm Alfred F. Jones. I'm the hero!"

I tried to pull my hand away before he broke it but he had an iron grip. "It's nice to meet you now please let go before you break my hand please? I kinda need it." He let go and slapped me on the back, which almost knocked me over. "No prob, dudette." I sighed. The one with the flag jumped over, guess he wasn't scared of me anymore, and started shaking both my hands (though no where near as violently as Alfred). "Ciao bella, I'm Veneziano Vargas and I know we are going to be great friends!" I smiled at him, for some reason I couldn't find it to be mean to him anymore. He seemed like such a softy...just one of those people that just make you want to hug them all the time because they are that adorable. Makes me wish I didn't yell at him a second ago, now I felt guilty about it. Well...maybe I should apologize for scaring him at least.

When he stops talking.

If he ever stops.

Oh my God does he ever need to breathe?

The tall blonde guy stepped up and pried Veneziano off of me and covered his mouth. "Guten tag, I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt." I rubbed my wrists now that I finally had them back. "Hello, nice to meet you." The other asian man bowed at me. "Ni hao, you may call me Wang Yao." He pointed to the panda bear in the basket on his back. "And this is my panda, Panda -aru."

"Dude, you couldn't name it something else? That's so lame!" Alfred said mockingly. "Shut up, Ass!" Yao yelled back at him. I couldn't really make fun of what he named his panda because in all honesty my dog's name was dog so who was I to judge? I felt chills run up my spine and when I turned there was this really tall guy, even taller than Alfred, that had silver hair and a smile that immediately made me think of pedobear for some reason. "Hello little american girl, my name is Ivan Braginski, you'll become one with Mother Russia, da?"

"Hello- wait...what? Mother what?" I backed away from him as he continued to give me the creepy child-like smile. I suddenly felt someone grab my arm and pull me back from Ivan. "Dude, this dudette is a citizen of my country. She's not gonna become one with you."

I'm starting to think that 'become one with' has a double meaning but since my mind lives in the gutter I'm really hoping that there's a totally different meaning and that this conversation goes in that direction...well...kinda because these are good looking guys.

"Why don't you let Kitt decide that, America?" Ivan asked.

"Huh? America?"

"Because you try to get everyone to become one with you, Russia, and there's no way as the awesome hero I could let you do that. Especially to one of my own citizens." Alfred retorted, keeping me close to him, tightening his grip on my left arm. Veneziano started waving that flag again. I wonder where the hell he keeps hiding that thing. Francis stepped around Alfred to stand beside me. "Well if it so troublesome she can just come with me." He winked at me and I latched onto Alfred's arm.

"You European nations have nothing better to do than make sexual passes at each other. It's disgusting, -aru."

"European nations!? Sexual passes!?" I squeeked. Well, my morning was just looking better and better. Looks like my chances of getting sexual assualted this morning were getting higher and higher by the second. Veneziano jumped over and pressed another white flag in my right hand.

"Hurry, Kitt, and wave your white flag showing them you surrender!" He started waving his flag to show me.

"Wait...YOU HAD MORE THAN ONE!?"

"Italy-san usually does." Kiku stated, with a calm voice. How he was calm during all this surprises me. I hope that doesn't mean that this is normal behaviour for them.

"Italy? I thought his name was Veneziano? Damn it what is going on!? Why are you guys calling each other different names? Are you all schizo or something!?"

Arthur ran his hand through his hair. "Well, gentlemen, we need to further explain ourselves to Ms. Kitt here if we are to have any chance at figuring out what exactly is going on." There was a brief silence and although I didn't see anyone make a move to agree or disagree it would seem they allseemed to go along with what Arthur said.

"You see, Ms. Kitt, we are the human personafications of countries. So when Ivan called Alfred America it is because Alfred is the human personafication of the United States of America." Arthur explained as he took a tentative step into the bathroom and looked around at the smoldering remains of Ryoko's gris-gris bag and the scortch marks it left everywhere.

"I take it that you don't have people like us here, do you Kitt-san?" Kiku asked. I shook my head. "I don't think so." Arthur entered the bathroom and looked around, opening a book as he did so.

"I'm guessing you guys did something and ended up here, right?" I asked. Kiku nodded. " America-san or..well.. Alfred-san messed with Arthur-san's spell which led us here."

"Not cool, Japan, trying to put the blame on me when it was England's fault to begin with." Alfred groaned.

"IT WAS TOO YOUR BLOODY FAULT YOU TWIT!" Arthur yelled from the bathroom.

"IT WAS NOT!" Alfred yelled back.

Arthur came out of the bathroom. "Let's just say for the sake of not confusing anymore that I was casting a magic spell, Alfred messed with it, and it sent us here using whatever you had sitting in the bathroom as an end point. Such as we were at point A and wherever your item was was point B."

I stared blankly for a few seconds, trying to register what he said. "So basically my friend's voodoo bag just exploded because you fudged up on your end and now my bathroom is covered in...whatever she had in that bag... and now my bathroom is like a portal connecting between the two?"

"Aiya! You actually understood all that stuff Opium was talking about?" Yao asked me. I shrugged. "I watch a lot of anime and supernatural stuff and one of my best friends is a witch so it really wasn't that hard. Now geometry on the other hand I have no idea. I can barely add and subtract as it is. Magic and interdimensional portals no prob, isosceles triangles and equations...not a fucking clue."

"Well if it's a portal and magic and stuff you can fix it right?" I asked Arthur. "I mean, you were just in there and you didn't leave and go back to wherever it is you guys came from."

"Yes, that means that in order to leave from this point we need to remake whatever it is you had in here." He stated.

"You mean...what was in the gris-gris bag?"

He nodded. "Dudette, that should be easy because you made that bag that was in there right? So you know whats in it." Alfred said excitedly. They all stared at me and I shrugged.

"I don't know what ya'll be looking at me for because I have no idea what was in the bag."

"WHAT!?"

"SUCK BALLS!-aru"

"Kolkolkol..."

"VEEEEE GERMANY!"

"SON OF A BITCH!"

"What!? Well excuse me! I'm sorry I didn't pay attention when she was telling me what was in the bag! I was playing SimCity on Facebook, damn it! I tune people out when I'm playing games because if I didn't I would hear every sarcastic comment my parents made about my games it's a fucking habit Jesus Christ. It's not the end of the world."

Arthur gave a sigh of frustration. "Actually we probably only have a small window of opportunity to get home." The hallway went silent.

"Oh." I said. "Well, I'll be damned. It is the end of the world...for you guys. Me not so much but I'll call Ryoko anyways. Hopefully she's got her horses back in the fence." I went to my room to get my phone and walked back into the hallway. I started dialing her number when I paused. "Guys do I really have to talk to her because she's gonna be pissed that I already didn't listen to her and now I have to tell her the bag exploded. She's gonna be mucho pissed." They all gave me a look. "Urgh fine but if she comes chasing after me with her Sephiroth sword I swear to God one of you better protect me because this is all your fault. Not mine."

*ring*

*ring*

*ring*

"Hello this is Ryoko and I can't come to the phone right now because I am just too awesome to hear the phone ring and I have more important things to do then hear people piss and moan about thier personal problems. But if its that important leave a message and I'll consider calling you back."

"Hey, Ryoko, its me Kitt and some stuff happened and I'll just come over to talk to you about it. So just a heads up."

I hung up the phone and turned to the guys.

"Well guys she's not answering but no worries I'll get dressed and we'll just head over there. You can go upstairs and chill for a minute and if it wouldn't be too much trouble could someone please feed and walk my dog?"

"I'll do it!" Veneziano said gleefully as he went up the stairs, the others following behind him. I went into my room to change and get ready for what was looking to be a very long fucking day ahead.

**AN:** IT'S DONE! I am saved from the wrath of Prussia and the judgement of Gilbird (don't ask its an inside joke). Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**"Ciao bella"** is "Hello Beautiful" in Italian

**"Mon nom est.."** is "My name is..." in French

**"Guten tag"** is "Hello"/"Good day" in German

**"Ni hao"** is "Hello" in Chinese


	5. Lord of the Whistle Pig

*see first chapter for the disclaimer*_italics_ means talking to myself just not out loud. And I have seen N. Italy's human name as both Feliciano Vargas and Veneziano Vargas so I went with the one I liked.*

**Chapter 3: Lord of the Whistle Pig**

_Well this is just freaking fantastic._ I thought to myself as I went into my room to change and the guys went upstairs. I dug around in my closet for something to wear for the day. I decided on some blue jeans and my black 'Nightwish' concert t-shirt. As I got my clothes together I heard the guys upstairs. (**AN:** My house is a split level house, meaning that my room, the basement, and the bathroom are underground. the living room and kitchen are upstairs, actually in the same room to be honest, along with another bathroom and two bedrooms.)

**~Upstairs in the living room~**

"Ve this must be Kitt's doggy here on the couch." Veneziano said as he went over to the couch where a light brown pit-bull was sleeping.

"Holy crap that's her dog!? What does she feed the poor thing? He's huge!" Francis asked as he sat down on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room. The others took a seat around the living room and kitchen around the table. "Come on poochy," Veneziano cooed, "time to go outside!" With that TD sat up and slowly got off the couch and stretched. "I will find his food and feed him I suppose." Yao said as he stood up and started searching the cabinets. Veneziano went to the front door and went outside with TD as Yao, finding the food bag, filled TD's food dish. "Well, he's fed although it look like he could stand to go without for awhile."

"So," Arthur started, looking at Alfred who sat on the couch from the kitchen table, "Even the dogs in your country are overweight and more than likely to get diabetes too."

"HEY!" Alfred shouted back.

"Um...not to interrupt but is that blood stains all over the couch?" Kiku asked, pointing at the couch cover. Alfred, Ludwig, and Ivan, whom were all sitting on the couch, looked behind them at the cover and sure enough, was covered in bloodstains.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A MURDER SCENE!" Alfred yelled as he jumped off the couch, Ludwig right behind him. "WHY ZHE HELL IS THERE BLOOD ON ZHE COUCH!?"

Ivan continued to sit on the couch with a smile.

**~Back downstairs~**

I changed clothes, listening to their entire conversation (how could I not with how loud they are). Putting on my shoes and heading out of my bedroom and into my bathroom I made a mental note to smack Yao, Arthur, and Francis for criticizing my dog's weight problem and to explain to them that the reason the couch looks like a murder scene is because of my dog's neurotic tendencies. I went into the bathroom and as quickly as I could I grabbed all my hair and bath stuff and my jewelry box. As soon as I had everything in my arms I ran back out. I didn't want to take any chances with more people popping out of the bathroom, especially if I was in there, so I guess I'll just use the upstairs bathroom until me and Ryoko are able to get them home.

I went upstairs and unloaded everything into the bathroom. Kiku came to the door of the bathroom as I was setting everything on the counter. "Pardon me, Kitt-san, but I was wondering if you knew about the...stuff...on your living room sofa."

"Oh, the blood stains?" I asked, he nodded. "Yea I know about it. My dog chews his tail bloody because he's emo. Don't worry about it." He gave a nod and went back into the living room. I listened as Kiku explained to them about the blood stains as I finished placing everything where I wanted it in the bathroom. Then I heard obnoxious laughing.

"Haha an emo dog that's totally hilarious!"

"The poor thing is probably so distressed about his weight that he does that to himself. Honhonhon."

I growled. _I'm probably going to end up decking somebody before this day is over. They are supposedly from another dimension and instead of figuring out ways to get home they talk about my dog! How friggen spacey are they!?_

I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. "Ok you guys since apparently my dog's weight problem means more to you than trying to brainstorm ideas on how to get you clowns home let me set this straight. My dog has a thyroid problem, he's neurotic, and your comments are only going to make him more depressed."

"Us making him depressed is not possible. Dogs cannot understand the human language. You're just making excuses for the lack of exercise you give your dog lazy American.-aru."

I was about to retort to that when we hard a scream come from outside.

"NOOOOOO DOGGY COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

"Son of a bitch!" I yelled as I went out the front door, being followed by the others. "Veneziano what did you do to my dog!?" I yelled as I looked around the front yard. "ITALY!" Ludwig yelled. I looked up the driveway and could see Veneziano running up the road. Without a word I took off running up the road.

"DOGGY STOOOOOOP NOT THE KIIIIIITTYYYY!" Veneziano cried. How he was still able to scream while running that fast was beyond me. I was running all out and could barely breathe let alone yell. I somehow caught up to him and grabbed his arm, causing him to stop running. I wheezed as I tried to form words. As I was panting he started crying and rambling on about how he was sorry about losing my dog and about not punching him in the face or something. Just then a cat ran by us and right on its heels was my dog. "Quick, Veneziano, grab his collar!"

When TD ran by us we both caught his collar and he almost dragged us both to the ground. "Damn it! Bad dog! Stop fat ass, you can't eat the neighbor's cat!" When the cat got out of sight TD quit trying to pull me and Veneziano to the ground. "Well...that was fun." I said sarcastically. "Ve I'm so sorry." Veneziano said. I weakly smiled at him, still slightly out of breath. "It's ok, I forgot to tell you to look out for cats, he tends to chase after them whenever he sees them. Let's take him back down to the house." Veneziano nodded and we brought TD back down to the house.

When we got back down to the house the others were still on the porch. When we got in the yard we let go of TD and he went straight to the porch, tail wagging, trying to get someone to pet him. I stepped onto the porch. "Thanks for the help," I started to say with a sarcastic tone in my voice as I punched Alfred in the arm, "NOT! What the hell!? You couldn't help us!?" I yelled.

Alfred rubbed his arm, "Well you just took off so we just thought we would leave it to you." I rolled my eyes and let TD into the house. I gave him is treat, grabbed my purse and keys, and stepped back onto the front porch.

"So, we be leaving for your little friend's house now, da?" Ivan asked. I locked the door. "Yep. and since we can't all fit into my car we'll just have to use my dad's truck that he left here. So, since only two people can sit up front with me who wants to sit in the back?"

"Honhon mademoiselle I will ride up front with you." Francis said as he moved to stand beside me. I raised my eyebrow at him and leaned slightly away from him. "I wanna ride in the back hahahaha!" Alfred cheered as he ran down the driveway and jumped in the back of the truck. "Let's sit in the back Germany!" Veneziano squealed as he ran behind America. Kiku approached me. "May I ride in the front with you?" he asked. I smiled at him. "Sure," I leaned towards him and whispered in his ear, "as long as you sit between me and Francis cause I don't trust him to keep his hands to himself." He nodded at me and with that we all climbed into the truck. As I back the truck out of the driveway I yelled at the guys in the back. "You guys better not do anything stupid, ALFRED, because I'm not getting pulled over for it and I'm not stopping if you fall out got it?"

"Hey!" Alfred shouted. "What makes you think I'm gonna do something like that? Hero's don't cause trouble like that!"

"Because you twit it sounds just like something you would do." Arthur retorted. I rolled my eyes as the arguing began. I started driving down the road as Francis joined in the argument which caused Arthur to try and choke him through the back window. "Kiku, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Kitt-san."

"Is it always like this?"

He was quiet for a moment before answering. "Unfortunately, yes. But you get used to it." I sighed. _Like my life wasn't full of enough drama_ I thought to myself. "Ok I have another question to ask. If you guys are the representative of countries, which countries are you guys?"

"I am Japan, Francis is France, Arthur is England, Alfred is America, Veneziano is Italy, Ludwig is Germany, Ivan is Russia, and Yao is China. And if remembering our names is too much you can always refer to us by our country name."

I nodded. "Hn, well it's gonna be interesting to see Ryoko meet Ludwig err Germany."

"Why is that, Kitt-san?"

"I think I would rather let her explain that one."

He nodded and the inside of the car fell back into comfortable silence, at least as comfortable as it can get with Francis now trying to choke Arthur through the back window with America laughing in the back and Germany yelling at them to knock it off.

**~A few minutes of driving later~**

I pulled up to the only red light my little town of Springhaven had. The town was mainly a retirement community that had a local middle school, a truck stop, and a Wendy's restaurant in it. I tuned out all the fighting and nonsense they were screaming at each other as I got lost into my own thoughts.

_I wonder what it's like to be a country. Do they age like normal humans? How does one become a personified country? Well, considering how these guys act I don't suppose they screen people for the job. If they do then they really fucked up when they hired some of these guys. _

"You may want to be doing the driving now, da?" I heard Ivan say as he reached around from the back of the truck to poke me thru the driver side window. "AHH!" I shrieked as I jumped due to being lost in my own thoughts. There were honking noises coming from behind me as I realized that I must have been sitting there for a few minutes. "Oh shit! Sorry guys that's my bad. I kinda zoned out." I said as I drove thru the light.

"Good to know you are paying attention to zhe road, Kitt." Ludwig grumbled from the back as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. I glared at him in the rearview mirror. I don't think he knew that I heard that little comment. Just then a truck swerved around us with rap music blaring while laying on their horn and flipping me off.

"FUCKERS!" I yelled out the window at them and flipped them off. "Will you please refrain from trying to get us all killed!?" Ludwig yelled from the back. That did it. When I turned down the back road that led to Ryoko's house I slammed my foot on the gas pedal and started driving like I was in NASCAR, causing all of them to start screaming at me to slow down...except for Alfred who was telling me to go faster and laughing the whole way.

**~Another few minutes of driving teehee!~**

I slowed the truck down and turned into Ryoko's driveway. To the right side of the driveway there was a big, red barn, a riding ring, and a fenced in pasture for her horses. As we started driving up the hill that led to her house the countries, except for Alfred, started fussing at me.

"Bloody hell, woman, why on earth were you driving like a damn lunatic?" Arthur yelled at me. "Because it's totally awesome to speed like that on the back roads, man." Alfred answered for me. "It's like NASCAR and racing games."

_Hmmm, so Alfred plays video games...well, I like him a bit more already._ I thought to myself.

"I don't see how you Americans think that driving in circles is a sport." Francis sneered as he flipped his hair back. I growled. "I don't see how you can slurp snails and call it a delicacy so I would just shut it if you wanna live long enough to get back home." I pulled up beside the house and parked the truck. "Ok, everybody out!"

We all got out of the truck and walked to the front of the house. "So, Kitt," Ludwig started to say while giving me a little bit of a glare, "Where is this friend of yours?" I opened my mouth to answer when Ivan spoke up. "Hold on, does anyone else hear something making noise?" He pointed to the other end of the house. We all stared in silence for only a few seconds when this gigantic groundhog appeared along the fence line near the house and started going down the hill towards the barn. That's when the noise Russia was talking about because more noticeable. "Wait a second." I mumbled. "I know this song." Then at the same time me and Alfred yelled. "It's 'Skyrim' music!" Apparently, Alfred plays lots of video games...yep, me and Alfred were gonna get along great.

"What the bloody hell is that?!" Arthur shouted and pointed as a girl with long blonde hair, wearing an Emily Autumn t-shirt and jeans, turned the corner riding a green John Deere lawnmower that had 'Shadowfax' spray painted on the side. The mower had duct tape in a few places and had a stereo taped to the back with the music from 'Skyrim' playing. The blonde girl lifted her Sephiroth sword and pointed it forward. "ONWARD, SHADOWFAX! FOR SKYRIM!" she yelled as she chased after the groundhog on the mower.

Me and the countries stood in silence as we watched her give chase doing war cries and swinging the giant sword. "FUS RO DAAAAAAAAAH!" she yelled when, all of a sudden, the front of the mower tipped slightly as she turned to move along the fence line. "What!? A hole? NO! NO! NO! GOD DAMN IT!" she cursed. She moved around on the mower, even moving a cinderblock she had sitting at her feet onto the seat of the mower but the mower still wouldn't budge. "Piss, even with a fucking cinderblock I'm not fat enough to get enough traction on this mower!"

The groundhog crawled into a hole near the barn. "You may have won this battle, but you will lose the war! This isn't over!" She yelled. We continued to stare in silence for a few more seconds until we heard a beeping sound. I glanced to my left and looked at Kiku who had what looked to be a camera in his hand. Curious, I looked over his shoulder and sure enough, he recorded the whole thing. Alfred started laughing. "That was like, the funniest and most random thing I've ever seen! I freaking loved it!"

"KITT!" Ryoko yelled. "WHAT!?" I yelled back. "Get down here and help me get Shadowfax out of the hole!" I rolled my eyes and started down the hill. I stopped and turned. "Hey, Alfred, wanna help us?" He smiled and shrugged and started walking down the hill with me.

"Aiya if that is the girl that suppose to help us then I say that we are severely screwed. That girl very crazy." Yao said as he shook his head back and forth. Ludwig grunted in agreement. "Unfortunately it's not like we have much of a choice."

"I think they are both very lively girls with a very colorful language." Ivan said as me and Ryoko can be heard screaming curses at the mower while Alfred tried to get the mower to start. The mower roared to life. "Hahaha! Who's the hero!? I AM!" Ryoko rolled her eyes at Alfred. "Well then, hero, park it in the garage."

Alfred drove the mower back up the hill with me and Ryoko walking behind him. "So who are they?" She asked. I explained to her what had happened that morning, that they were personified countries from a parallel dimension or something of that nature, and that we needed her help with figuring out a way to get them home.

"So, Kitt..."

"Yea?"

"I told you what was in the gris-gris bag so it shouldn't have been that hard to figure it out especially since you said that one of them seems to know about magic so..."

"So?"

"Mind telling me what exactly happened to my gris-gris bag?"

"...uh...it kinda exploded."

"Hmnh."

She smacked me in the back of the head. "OW! HEY! WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" I yelled at her, rubbing the back of my head. "For letting my bag explode. But, I applaud you for getting a bunch of good looking guys out of it."

"It's not my fault it exploded." I said as I pointed at Arthur. "It's technically his!" As we got to the top of the hill, Alfred parked Ryoko's mower in the garage. Ryoko messed with her wristbands and her many necklaces as we waited for Alfred to rejoin us.

"So, mon cher, why were you chasing that creature?" Francis asked her.

"Because Bubba keeps digging holes around my barn and we've got a baby horse on the way."

"Bubba?" Arthur asked. "You named it?"

Ryoko nodded. "Yep, Bubba the Legend. He's too big to fit in any of the whistle pig traps we have so I've been trying to catch him on my mower."

"Ve what's a whistle pig?" Veneziano asked as Alfred approached us. "I know what it is!" he said. "It's another word in my country for groundhog." The other countries gave him a stare. "Uh what? You guys didn't know that?"

"ANYWAYS!" I interrupted. "Let's get the introductions out of the way. Everyone, this is my friend, Ryoko. Ryoko, these are the countries." I pointed to each of them as I said their names. "Arthur who is England, Kiku who is Japan, Alfred who is the USA, Ivan who is Russia, Francis who is France, Yao who is China, Veneziano who is Italy, and lastly this is Ludwig who is Germany."

She raised her eyebrow and stared at Germany for a few seconds. "So let me get this straight. You guys are human representations of countries? Which means you are the representation of Germany, right?" She asked him.

"Yes." He answered her. There was another pause for a few seconds.

"This is for my Jewish and Gypsy ancestors you bastard!" She yelled as she slugged Ludwig. "RYOKO!" I yelled as I pulled her back. "GERMANY! Are you ok, Germany!?" Veneziano cried. "Little Ryoko can certainly throw a punch, da? I like her." Ivan stated with a creepy smile on his face.

"LITTLE!? Who are you calling little you oversized yak!?" Ryoko yelled at him. "DAMN IT TO HELL, KITT, LET GO OF ME SO I CAN DECK HIM TOO!" I continued to hold onto her as she struggled to break free. "I'll let go when you calm the fuck down!"

"Honhonhon Germany got punched by a wee little American girl." Francis chuckled.

"I'M NOT LITTLE!"

"Blast it, Francis, you are not helping!" Arthur yelled at him. Kiku helped Ludwig clean the blood off his nose and after a few more minutes of short jokes and death threats we finally managed to get Ryoko to calm down. "Well, let me go inside and get my stuff so we can see how to get these ASSHOLES home." She growled as she went into her house.

"Kitt-san." Kiku said.

"Yes?"

"I now know what you meant about you're earlier statement concerning her and Ludwig-san."

I gave a small laugh and Ryoko came back out with her red book bag that had 'Plague' written on it in black sharpie. "Ok guys we are gonna have to take two cars." I said as we all walked back over to the truck. "We can use the fifteen passenger van one of my mom's many boyfriends left here so we can use it later if we have to." Ryoko said and I nodded. I turned to the guys. "Anyone wanna ride with me?"

"I DO!" Alfred yelled and raised his hand like a child. Arthur shook his head. "I guess I will accompany you as well to help keep Alfred in check." He said. We got into the truck and everyone else piled up into Ryoko's van.

Alfred rolled down the passenger window, Arthur sitting in the middle. "Why can't I ride in the back?" Alfred asked as I started driving down the driveway. "Because you can't be trusted." Arthur said flatly.

**~Another driving time skip :D ~**

The truck was relatively quiet with Alfred pouting in his emo corner of the truck. Arthur continued to explain some of the details of the magic bag they had and some ideas on how to get home. He was very happy to see that, while I'm not exactly pagan, I do believe in magic and mythical creatures. We arrived back at my house and everyone got out of the vehicles.

_That was a nice conversation I had with Arthur. For once no yelling was involved. I wonder what they talked about in Ryoko's car._

"All I'm saying is that I know it was because of his bat shit crazy boss but it's still easier to take all this anger out on him about my ancestors. At least that was it." Ryoko said as she shut the driver side door.

"Well, mon petite chou, if you want to be technical Germany also burned your pagan brethren at the stake. Most of the town of Würzburg if I'm not mistaken. Killed all the women." Francis said as he got out, followed by Germany and Japan. Ryoko ran over and repeatedly started punching Ludwig in the arm. "You son of a bitch! You just have something against all my ancestors and brethren don't you? How the hell did you snoo-snoo huh? Last I checked you needed a woman to populate a town! You...you...Nazi douchebag!"

"Will you please stop punching me you Jewitch!?" (Jew +witch= Jewitch XD)

"Da, little Jewitch."

"I'M NOT LITTLE, YETI!"

I growled. "Russia, you are NOT FUCKING HELPING!"

Ivan smiled. "But I like all the little noises the little one makes."

Ryoko stopped punching Ludwig and lunged at Ivan. "DEATH!"

Alfred caught Ryoko in mid-air. "Dudette, seriously calm down!" Yao nodded. "For once I agree with fat-ass and if you want to attack everyone for commenting on your height France called you 'my little cabbage' in french -aru."

Ryoko started punching and kicking Alfred, causing him to drop her. She got up and started choking France. "I'M NOT A CABBAGE PATCH KID, GOD DAMN IT! I WILL KILL YOU ALL! YOU AMAZON FREAKS!"

"It's...a term...of... endearment not ...an insult!" Francis choked out, Arthur laughing obnoxiously at him and Veneziano waving his flag, crying. China shook his head back and forth. "Aiya, Panda, we are screwed. Even citizens from western nations are so immature."

Me and Japan pried Ryoko off of Francis. "Will you guys quit pissing her off! Jesus-tits-on-Christ! Besides her Jewish ancestry is actually of Russian origin so you guys should be scared of her." I glanced at Italy. "Well...more scared."

"If you are a descendant of Mother Russia then why are you still so little? Perhaps if you become one with me you will actually grow a few inches." Ivan said with a smile.

"Ok Russia, dude, two things: One, quit trying to rap-I mean, make my citizens become one with you and two, why are you such a creeper about it?" Alfred asked. Everyone, including Ryoko, became quiet. The only sound being with flapping noises of Italy's flag.

Ivan continued to smile.

Arthur cleared his throat. "On that note," He started as he turned to Ryoko. "I believe you should go check the downstairs loo and see what you can come up with." Ryoko nodded and inched around the still smiling Russian. Ryoko opened the front door and went inside.

I sighed. "So," I rubbed my temples, "who wants to take a tour of the yard?" I asked, trying to ease the tension that had fallen due to Alfred's tactless comment.

**~Inside the house~**

"Kitt's gonna pay for this. She owes me a new bag. That bitch just had to leave my gris-gris bag in the bathroom and summon those witch burning, freakishly tall, obnoxious assholes of the world. At least they're pretty to look at."

Ryoko went downstairs and went into the bathroom.

"Holy friggen fuck shit! It really did explode!" She looked at the window and saw what almost looked like bullet holes in the glass. "Daaaamn. This is gonna cost a lot to renovate. Eh, not my house not my problem." She reached into her bag and pulled out yellow caution tape. "Might as well block this off because I'm sensing that some them are not exactly the brightest crayons in the box." She started putting the tape on the door when it started getting brighter in the room. "Is it getting brighter? What the fuck!? OH SHI-!"

There was a bright flash of light and Ryoko came flying out of the bathroom along with someone else.

**~Outside~**

"I say we get pasta for dinner!" Veneziano suggested. I rolled my eyes. "I agree with Alfred and say we get burgers. It's easier to make more of those."

"Veee but I'll make the pasta and I'll make enough for everybody!"

Arthur cleared his throat. 'I can cook us somethi-"

"NO!" All the others yelled. "Angleterre we do not want to kill the girls with your cooking!" France yelled.

"Well, that little Jewitch may be another story." Ludwig grumbled.

"SHIT KIIIIITT! There's another one of them here!" We heard Ryoko yell from inside the house. We all ran into the house and went downstairs to see her sitting on a man wearing a blue, military uniform. He also had white hair and red eyes.

"As awesome as it is to have a frau sitting on me, the awesome me can't breathe."

"Dude! It's Gilbert! What's up, man?"

Ryoko got up and was followed by Gilbert. "I went into the meeting room to find you losers and when I went to the table the awesome me was surrounded by light and then I landed here with this frau on top of me. Which is awesome by the way."

Arthur scratched his chin in thought. "That means my back up trick bag is still activated. Which means anyone who approaches the table will be teleported here. So all we have to do is make another trick bag and we'll be able to use it to get home just like how Gilbert showed up here."

"Hahaha way to go Gilbert you helped us figure out how to get back, dude!" America cheered as he slapped Gilbert on the back. "Kesesese I am the awesome Prussia after all. You should all bow down and praise my awesomeness!"

Ludwig growled. "Brother, please stop being obnoxious."

Ryoko's eye twitched. "BROTHER!?" and she punched Prussia in the arm. "You're related!? Damn you to hell too!"

I sighed and went back to rubbing my temples.

_I thought getting Ryoko's help would make things easier but I think it just made things worse. Oh well, it can't get much worse...can it?_

**AN:** END OF CHAPTER! Yaaaay! It's eleven pages on word and most of this seems to be insults thrown back and forth hahaha. Sorry about the wait but I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

**Mon petite chou and mon cher-** French for 'my little cabbage' and 'my friend'

**Frau-** German for miss/lady/girl

**Loo-** British word for restroom/bathroom

**Gris-Gris Bag and Trick Bag-** our magic bag is called gris-gris while Arthur/England refers to it as a trick bag since that is probably closer to what he would actually have.


End file.
